Dead End.

I'm not worried about not being successful in my life.  I'm also not worried about pleasing myself socially.  What I am worried about is being a failure at what I can't acquire.  I believe that I have no problem in getting alternatives of everything.  I can't get a nice Bentley, but I can probably acquire a similar vehicle with similar specs.  I couldn't get a Mac Book Pro, but I sacrificed certain features and powers in return for other amenities towards a different notebook.  I don't get a call back from one job, but get a call back from a job that has better benefits but with less pay.  If this is the case, why do I feel like I've hit such a dead end ??  I get so down with failure to acquire something specific but I know I can easily find an alternative, or possibly acquire something better.  What's wrong with me ??  This shouldn't be a dead end because my options are branched to so many possibilities; but yet, I still feel like I've hit a brick wall.  I promise you, this isn't just about acquire one specific thing; it's about so much more.  I'm beginning to finally take notice how many of these luxuries and (for some of these more important targets) necessities I actually have.  Around a couple of years ago, I used to think that there are only one MAYBE two things that's wrong in my life (not including my disabilities); that THAT was what was leading me to a dead end.

I believe I totally missed the larger picture of my situation(s) these past couple of years.

And it's finally hit me now. HARD. Now that I'm wiser and am thinking more deeply and rationally, I've opened up my eyes to something worse.  Ignorance is bliss, correct ?? As a child, I've always been an ignorant boy; a spoiled brat and somewhat of a know-it-all.  The reason why I said "somewhat" is because I wasn't necessarily a know-it-all, but someone that did know a lot, but the things he didn't know, ignorance took him over and made him believe what he wanted.  As I've grown older, I stayed this ignorant fool.  Things have changed and I don't think it's for the better.  Now that I'm thinking deeper and deeper, these walls that have never existed before, I'm now running more recurrently into them despite all these other alternative routes I COULD be taking.  I'm trying to avoid these stalemates but it's more burdensome than people realize.  What worse is how conflicting the decisions my mind comes up with compared to what my heart suggests me to do.